It's been far too long.

I was ever so inspired by my good friend cody to update this little peach. It has been so long since I have posted- and there are a few distinct reasons for this.

1. Myspace and Facebook and every other social network. I am so connected that there are literally 10 different ways you can communicate with me.
2. I kind of forgot about my blog.
3. I didn't have much to say that hadn't already been said.
4. The thought of revealing myself through actual written word and not filtering it through vague, immature profile quizes and pictures, no longer appealed to me in the same sense.


So its sort of like i graduated from this sense of self, took a few steps back to re-create or even just create myself, and then pulled it all together and here I am. I am not whole, I do not feel complete. I hope that some day I will. someday very soon. But I feel the peices of me are fitting together better than ever before and that makes me hopeful, proud even.

I have so much to say- comparable to when you have been away from a best friend for a year or more and you want to tell them so much but there is too much and you end up talking about what is on the menu or the weather or bullshit like that. i had a bagel for breakfast, my boss brought them in, I thought that was very nice.

I am going to participate in the World Food Prize tomorrow- I will be meeting 6 more of my students. I am excited for this, I am curious about them and they are curious about me. It is funny how time passes so quickly. Sometimes I like that, but other times it makes me feel like i don't do enough important things, like I have wasted something. Even though sleep should never be considered a waste, it is valuable, but I still feel like i should be doing something bigger in my free time.

I need a break, a breather from this social scene. I am very tired of it. I thought it would be so great to know people everywhere I went, to be recognized, appreciated. Sometimes it is great, but most of this time it is not. When I meet people, I introduce myself and sort of allow them to have a peice of me, I allow them to know me enough to feel comfortable in approaching me if we should meet again. I like that, I think it is generous. What I have found, is that when I start to give away so many little bits of myself, there is little left for me. What has happened is that when I go places, I see too many people, and they want to catch up or share stories and it makes me want to run. It sort of reminds me of highschool- where I knew everyone, but there were very few people I actually let know me. ugh- enough.

alright- so two of my co-workers are wearing the same exact, down to the shoes, oufit that they wore yesterday. It's not an awful thing, just a bit strange. hmmmm.

peace.
c

To the New Year.

Cheers friends!

Happy New Year

So I feel as I write that I am primarily writing to my dear friend Jim. He may be the only person who still checks this. So you know Jim, it is LATE, and I have just returned home from a night that may make even you blush.

I miss you. terribly.

oy ve.

c

Painted By Numbers

Today is Tuesday, it is COLD outside though in the spectrum of Iowa cold, we are just getting started. Last week on Wednesday it was 82 degrees F and Friday it was snowing. I wonder how there can be an expectation of Mental Health in this state when the weather clearly has some serious manic capabilities. Many people wo live in colder climates talk of a little friend called seasonal depression, or SAD. You know- I understand all that, how for some it can be disheartening to go to work and leave work when it is dark, always cold, it truly makes one feel like life stops itself around your day job and confines you to a spell or tiredness and apathy. For me?? More night is many fun time kind sir- I do enjoy the darkness of this time of year- there are certainly days where I would prefer the neccesity of wearing sun glasses, but I'll take it- I am pretty content with this state and I really believe that living in the extremes can do nothing but build climate culture which can only give you street cred and diable any frequency of whining about it being too hot or too cold within the same 24hour period.

My friends, and maybe your friends too, this band called Martyrs of Maudlin (check them out on myspace) are playing tomorrow night. I am excited to see them play- as it is always a great time. They are playing straight after work so that will for sure be an adjustment, meaning that water will be my preferred beverage. Their music is lyrically enticing and quite easy on the ears, much to be appreciated- so if you have the opportunity to check them out- you really should, it will certainly give you somethingto appreciate if you are lacking.

I heard from a few good friends as a result of my blogging, which was quite a splendid suprise- thank you for the correspondance- it is always a pleasure to have fantastic people in my life.

I have met some great people in the last few weeks- I am really excited that there are talented, artistic, witty, sarcastic people in this city... it is refreshing. I had previously been rather disenchanted with the city due largley to the over publisized WDM crew which consists primarily of people who look alot alike and worship top forty music and free tshirts if they get naked at the bar. While I appreciate all of this, I will have to say that my new found niche fits me much better, and I look forward to where it will lead.

New favorite places to hang:
Locust Tap
Cafe Discala (after hours)
Yacht Club
Beechmans
(in that order)

What I am listening to right now:
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Black Keys
The Sounds

I know that everyone has probably heard of these long before me, but please note that for four months out of every year for the past ten years I have been absorbed in my job in the summer months- which really means, I probably knew about these bands beofre they existed. yeah.

I hope that allof you are well and that this tuesday provides more to you than my ramblings... take care.

c

I'm Wide Awake It's Morning!

Hello! I am sneaking back into the blog world with little intention of sharing my return. I ceased the blog for a while partly because I felt like I had nothing to write about and primarily because what was going on in my life I wanted to enjoy. It got to the point where everyone one knew alot of things about me and I knew little about them... so is the risk of typing and posting on the internet. So I return. I am not clear on my intentions, and whether this will be a regular thing. Life is solid right now and many things have changed for me, for the better, for the best. There are elements that are certainly the same, you could say that my inner workings have proved to be something that will take gallons of vodka and years of shock therapy to correct.

Where I'm at: I got a new job, one that allows me to work and go home and not think about work. I really enjoy it and think that this could be my match. I basically do employee training and development for the state of iowa and get to devlop things like diversity panels and get to be involved with some pretty sweet people. I dig.

I moved into a sweet new place- I live by myself, which I am really digging. I love not having to schedule things at home like showers or meals or television. Though I will say that I just sit in the quiet when I am home- not in the dark or anything, but that comfortable silence that I have missed in the last few years. I am not home alot, moving has brought me closer to downtown and given me a desire to spend time with a variety of people. I really like that.

My physical self is healthy- I have dropped 150 pounds- (which is a person) and everything has been superb. I am getting used to it all- I would be a fool to think that this has not had more of an impact on my life than I could have imagined. I won't get too into it- it feels too fresh right now, still, but it has definitely changed many things for me. It feels right, sort of like I was really missing out, like I was an imposter... I suppose you cannot fully understand it until you have experienced it but I have not completely experienced it so I am at a loss for explanation.



What I am listening to right now:

The new Decemberists album. excellent.
Okkervil River
Citizen Cope

tis good.

Be well.

-c