Patience is a virtue? WTF.

My surgery has been postponed. Bastards. I suppose I can reach deep down inside and pull together one last strand of patience. (which means, of course, that I will not have any patience for the rest of my life).

This is a bit of a "ugh" blog so if you are looking for intelligent witticisms perhaps you should read elsewhere. Actually, you may find a few here... who knows what will happen.


It sounded so much better when it was : "Adult Child"... not just "Adult".
For those of you that may be new to the reading or not know me to the extent of calling each other friends, here is a well known fact: I take care of my family. In short, here is an example; my brother went through a break-up of a long relationship (try 15 years), he is currently living rent-free in my basement. My sister is going through a messy divorce and I have been paying some of her bills. My great grandmother died a week and two days ago and my mother is in shambles. I have spent seven of the past nine nights sleeping on the floor so she doesn't feel so alone. I am not going for an award here.. but that is simply a glimpse of the last few weeks. I cannot say that my spirits are high, or that I have even a concept of what I need right now. All I know for sure is that the one big thing I am trying to accomplish to make myself healthier keeps getting pushed back. It has been a defeating process thus far and at times I wonder if my purpose on this earth is not really for myself, rather to make sure that everyone else is alright. I am not your martyr. I am not pouting, I am just saying, look at the facts. Certainly, I could crawl out of my co-dependency for a bit and put me so far first. What would happen to the people I care about. I know they don't need my presence to survive, but damn, who would care?

Bringing it back to the title, when I was a child, I was considered an "adult child" primarily because I worked full time with odd jobs from the time I was 14 so we could pay rent, partly because I took care of the apartment for months at a time because my mother couldn't get out of bed, partly because the choices of my siblings, left me to care for our mother. The youngest is often considered to be the most selfish, in this case, I believe I may have beaten these odds. So now that I am no longer a child... I am simply considered an adult. I know this sounds really simple but hang in here with me. My point is, after you reach a certain age, and I cannot say that it is 18, you have expectations, and they come from everywhere. No longer is it seen as a strain on your development for you to put everything aside and care for everyone else, it is merely a part of adulthood.


I promise this blog will return to its entertaining state. Hang in there.





More later,
c