Distant fondness or convenient closeness?

The debate at hand is whether it is easier to be the great long distance friend or to be the convenient nearby friend. It comes from a history of friendship that usually heightens when my friends and I live apart and get to make the most of a few days each year when we are together. I enjoy close friendships, but I am better at friendships where I know there is a timeline. I know that this sounds ridiculous but it seems to be my forte. It is not that i take advantage of convenience, I just get swept into life fairly easily. It is also not to say that I do not make the most of time spent with close friends... it is just that i do not purposefully approach out time together in the same way.



I asked for your input and i received one response from a great friend that lives outside of the United States. I get to see him in the summer, and occasionally, if he is up for it, over the New year.

He says:
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Ok, so I just read your last blog. I’m sure you remember this Claire, but one of the best things that anyone has ever said to me is something that you said once. You told me, whilst stood at the airport on that cold January morning, waiting for my flight home after spending the best new year ever with you, you said “I’m not going to say good bye, but instead See you in five days” after questioning this you explained that when good friends leave each other, and are reunited it only feels like they have been apart for five days, no matter how long it has been.



That comment has become the bench mark for my friendships now. I now know instantly what sort of a relationship I have with someone if there is that uncomfortable “so… what have you been doing” conversation when you meet again. I have never really had that with you, and several other people, and this summer passed summer showed that.



I’m not saying that those awkward conversations don’t arise with good friends, but they are less common. I like to use my fart rule. If you can fart in someone’s company and know they will either tell you that you are a dirty mo-fo, or they will burst out laughing, then you have a good friendship. Its when they try and ignore it, or look at you as if you are scum that you realise the friendship is not really that strong. That is why I am so happy that I can squat down, and fart in your face, and the most I will get is a slap, a punch, a kick, mild to moderate verbal abuse, maybe you will try and run me over in the gator, or you will pull your car over to the side of the road and tell me to walk the rest of the way… even if we are just at the end of the drive, or maybe you will tell me that you hate me and you want to kill me… it’s all the same… It all tells me that you love me really!
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Thanks friend.
Also, I saw one of my greatest friend pairs last Wednesday, Tony and Cy, and Cy said to me: "we live in the same city and I am embarrassed that we don't see each other more often... when people ask how you are, I can't even answer- I see people from Iowa City more than I see you... its ridiculous" Its true, unfortunately, that tony and Cy and i only see each other when one party has a big event.. when the truth is, we could easily spend nearly every weekend together and be completely content.
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This all came about as i began wondering at what point in my life did I become the one being left nd not the one leaving. Believe me- it is SO much easier to be the one leaving. I used to live with the intention of leaving and it kept me at a comfortable surface... now I will have to say that i am in deep, invested in friendships and relationships with co-workers, family and a variety of acquaintances. It is the first time in my life that i have lived somewhere for more than two years... (in the same residence) and it is a calm, at times suffocating, reality. I enjoy being here when people come back around but there are times when I sit back from it all, at the end of the summer, when the pallete is clear and say, "fuck- it used to be me leaving..." It's not regret, but a definite longing for a change of life, a chance to be the one that returns for only a few days, who survives in the surface of friendship... where there is no disappointment, there is no heartbreak, no longing for anything more, no regret. But there is also an empty deep hole where trust, confidence, security rests, often the last to be noticed, and that is what keeps me standing next to me peeps here in the metro.

Always torn... writing about the greener grass that I am standing on.



What I am listening to here and now:

Change: Bling Melon
great song, shannon hoon was before his time and there was SO much more to him than the fat bee girl

Watching the Wheels: John Lennon
I have had this song in my head for a good three weeks, timeless.

Jesus, Etc.: Wilco
My friend Jim introduced this to me over a year ago. It has a great vibe and even better strings.

By my Side: Ben Harper
Fantastic chill great song that slowly steals a smile.

Black Sheep Boy: Okkervil River
This one is for mattheew, my brother, who played this song for me five months ago... and now I appreciate it- silly me for waiting to long.


take care
c