Keith? From the Milky Way?

I've been drinking alot lately. I have really been enjoying myself and departing with my responsible ways. One may call it a bender, I'll just call it a social life. Friends are in town, people are too be seen, and let's face it- I don't really have to go to work this time of year. I've got vacation days to last me until November.

Aha... Let's start with last Wednesday when I decided to throw a good old fashioned house party. I have this new stereo that can shake my windows and so I like to blast anything from Van Morrison to the Beta Band to Beastie Boys to Madonna (Cody is still staying with me). the weather has been beautiful and for some reason this makes me want to have people over and challange them to drinking.
After a trip to the local market I drive home with about 120 bottles of beer in my car. I would have gotten a keg but with that comes the responsibility of finishing the keg and I just didn't want the pressure. ( I swear I am not a frat boy, just an entertainer who knows how to throw a good party). So the pretense is that everyone who attends must participate in any and every ridiculous activity.... nothing cheesy- just a flashback party where everyone gets to drink like they don't have responsibilities and someone (always) plays 'California Love'. Brad, Vicky and Kate (from England), Jim, Corey, Matthew, Ray, Cody, tanner, Nicole, Kelli, Luke and I got started around 8:30pm.... after a whirlwind of events, it is now 4:00am and Jim and I are dancing in the living room, cody is laughing in the kitchen, and a few people have disappeared to the woods for a little drunk love. You would think that as a hostess I wouldbe sensitive to these matters, but I am not. So as Kate and Luke are trying to sneak out the front door I yell, "Now that is hilarious, ha ha ha" It was. And now that everyone is sober... hmmm guess who is right. me. I know funny when I see it. I woke up the next afternoon (took a day off) feeling like someone may or may not have kicked me in both the stomach and the face. (still looking for suspects)

Thursday: A beautiful day in disguise. Shopping with Jim was perhaps one of the easiest days I have had in a long time. The sort of ease that comes from being completely comfortable around someone and they can make you laugh. especially at fake babies. Fake babies, though creepy, are very funny. they are now sold for $80 and come with a birth certificate. According to the "nurse" who was working at the store, people will never know it is not a reall baby because it is SO LIFE LIKE. this is the point of the sales pitch where I start to step away. Jim on the other hand, picks the baby up, holds it over his head and says "weeeeee" while lowering the baby in front of his face. He then rocks the baby, asks his age, weight and if the nurse has any children of her own... all with a collected coolness that would make one think that Jim is super creepy if you did not know that he is, just plain hilarious. After baby shopping we decided to go to 'Garden state' a film be Zach Braff. It is painfully beautiful. go and see it.


Saturday: Oktoberfest in Iowa. First of all, It's still september... but Germans are drunk so they will never know? What a great time. 20 different kinds of beer and the people who are serving are too drunk to remember to charge you $8 a mug. perfect. Kelli and Cody and I make our way through the OktoberFest crew and decide after three 20+ oz. beers that we are in fact, polka dancers. Actually, Kelli sat out, she isn't much of a dancer, she talked to the oldies in the crowd... something about being at a wedding on acid. Meanwhile Coday and I bust out a mean polka... to the best of our abilities and before we know it we are talking to Anti- Bush activists from Washington State... the guy I met is Walker and I called him "Walker, Washington Ranger" yeah- I thought I was funny at the time but I had also had a few drinks before we arrived at the Polka Fest... we were ridiculously intoxicated.... where every person is your friend and suddenly you are surrounded by 10 people you don't know but its alright. So we get kicked out because they are closing and we make our way to the little dirty Royal Mile where we meet up with this guy from Iowa City named Jason who I address as Trevor (it was funny to me and I thought he was Trevor) meanwhile we order drinks that could peel the paint off of your face and sit down for a chat. Meanwhile it is now 1:15am and Jim and ryan STILL have not met up with us. they are in trouble. My "understanding" was that we would meet them at OktoberFest at 10ish... hmmm. Good thing I don't even recognize the people I came with, otherwise I could be upset. After drinking a fourth of my drink the waitress comes over for another round of "let me be entertained" so we wow her with our impeccable wit. I ask for "a little splash of coke with this... this.... this POISON" (that is excatly how it was said) and proceded to dump this drink all down my leg. damn. Just because it was poison doesn't mean I won't drink it. Well, well, well... who is this, Jim and Ryan have joined us. With only minutes to spare before joining the "dead to me" ranks. We get another drink (why, why?) and decide that I can hide them in my jacket before exiting the bar. We drive (real smart) to drop Kelli off before going to my house to get some beer and as the only girl with three guys I decide that I will go to the Lumberyard. Yes, your classy and well mannered friend is going to see some tits. This does not excite me, I can look at my own. But it seems to be a highlight for the "gentlemen" that I am with. Long story short: Cody gets in a fight with a girl because she calls him a faggot. I tell him that if he can promise me I won't get arrested that I will ruin her face. And we leave at 4:00am. Cody says," I hope I see that Bitch in the parking lot, I'll kill her" and what do you know- she walks out in front of the car... I giggle and Cody rolls my window down to yell," You'd better watch yourself bitch!". Ahh, good times. Let me also add that as I was walking out of the bar I started singing "Bitches ain't shit but ho's and tricks" to which all of the boys joined in. Who am I and where was this coming from?

We return home and have all out wrestle mania. It was great. when we were in high school Jim, Tim, and Ryan used to push me down on the trampoline and jump around me until I was sick. I'd like to say that hasn't changed a bit- but now there was puching, tickling, water sprayed... and the at 5:00am we decide that it would be a great idea to go to McDonalds. Cody drives (not a good idea) and we pull up only to be informed that they are now servingbreakfast. In response to our profanity, the little man says,"I will not tolerate that type of language." but then he does, because he still gives us a #fucking 7. We pull up to the window and the man says," I am not a he or a she, I am an it. I am not from your planet." Great, I'll play along. I ask" So where are you from?" "The Milky Way." he replies.
I continue,"what is your name?"
"Keith."
"Keith?"
"Yeah, Keith."
"they name "people" in the Milky Way Keith?"
"yes."

We get our food, he begins to shut the window and cody says, "I love you Keith." Keith, he just shakes his head and turns away.

And so concludes the bizarre night of Rum, Germans, Polka music, politics, spilling, tits, and Keith.

have a great one.

It is 6:30pm and I am still at work. I think we both know I am not really working. teehee.