After reading through past blogs that I put onto all that read.. I realize in recent history that often I have resulted to justifying or prefixing thought with disclaimers... fuck it- no more of that. I have nothing more to disclaim. what I write is just as it is.

A few hollas:

Luke: if you read this, I have been keeping up with you- send me an email at my hotmail address so that when time prevails (as it does at home) I can share some things with you. You are missed... I can't believe it only a week since you left... seems much longer, you sound well. I miss you.

Sam: Heeeeyy BABY! Only one week until you are with us again. I know that you arrival is much anticipated. We are ready for you and anxiously await your safe arrival. You are loved and missed.

Kilgs: Just because you have access to enter into my world and "read between the lines" does not excuse you from calling or emailing me. I don't have your number after your re-entry to the palace in which you reside.(read: I miss you and don't know how to truly express that other than blaming you for lack of communication....teeehee).

Alright- here are the facts:
I was a bastard to Cody last night because I fail to be honest with him consistently which leads to me get ridiculously maddened at truly simple circumstances. We will talk. I think part of it is that the grass is pretty much consistantly greener on the other side. I wish for his social priorities and lax schedule and quest for peace of self. I think (think) that he would like the comfort of a salaried job with the benefits and the consistancy of some sort of routine. Which leads to unparalled schedules and mind frames.... and after time resentment. I'm not there..(the resentment thing) but last night it was close and I just can't feel that way about this kid- I love him way too much. Truth be told I wouldn't be where I am without his support and I certainly couldn't deal with the living situation without knowing that he might be there when I come home. I enjoy living with him. We make great partners in life... not in any sort of romantic or sexual way(for those of you that do not know us) but in a content domestic sort of way. (We have the dog, the house, the shared expenses...all that typical married type shit)

I am going to go out tonight and try to convince the world that I am a washed up, early nineties, "techno" diva...(insert Ce Ce Pennison's west coast club gigs here) la da da dee da da ya da... be my lova... hmmm... it could work for me.
Either that or I will drink until I forget where I am. Its fun.. sort of like playing a trick on yourself... ahh, I love playing tricks on myself.

Truth me told, I am easy to trick... I owe it all to the long lasting "experimental" phase that destroyed most of my memory... ha ha wish I was kidding. I think that most of my memory capacity is at Mike's house in SF or on the curb in Chicago... along with my dignity- wow- I should really go and pick that up.

I'm rambling, therefore, I am out.