disclaimer: the following blurb make little sense to anyone but me... I know that it is not as entertaining as past... but it is a bit inside of me so i cut it off... before revealing too much.. ahh fuck it- I'll get there someday... maybe I'll start tomorrow. In addition, I do not like to talk about work a whole lot in here... perhaps because it proves to be a release from all that....

Thursday has proven to be a career highlight for me. A bit of an unexpected really... I thought my meeting this afternoon would be sort of a trial that would let everyone know that I don't really know what I am talking about... my insecurities play into to this new position quite alot... for so long I have thought that my passion for people would carry me through just about anything when the truth is... you have to have your shit together to back it up. I worked my ass of to get where I am...and I am not done working... thats just it- I have to keep working my ass off to make sure that this will be the best place it can be... and it will be. I have confidence in myself.. I'm just learning- and as long as I have the capicity to learn.. and absorb all that is there.... Basically I had the most hellacious summer of my life and compromised alot of relationships for the sake of my job. ( don't ever so this.. in the long run- it doesn't pay off and you look like a chump) Then my co-worker bailed and the load was on me.. a huge load- working with people is a profession where little to nothing can be compromised, not that it should be.... and I took a position that I have wanted to acheive for quite sometime but professionally wasn't sure I was ready for... I was thinking I could get here in five years and I was here in 7 months... teehee... (insert panic type laugh here) So I am here. and today was the operations team quarterly review where I met with the powers that be and represented what I was working for. All I can say is that they respect me, believe in me, and support me entirely- couldn't be better... then WHY do I feel like I don't deserve this.. granted- I am still only a month into this and there is six months of back work that needs to be reckoned with- but nonetheless, its up to me. alright- I'm finished here.( I think it strange that I started this blog with the intention of peicing together a fairly confident paragraph about how well things went today- and the hard work I put into it... and then somehow it turns into a regurgitation of insecurity...funny how that works) nuff.