alright I'm back. I have taken a bit of a break, perhaps to allow the thoughts to rest... too much thinking, even when writing to let it out, makes my head hurt. Let me try to recap the events of the weekend, all of which will be laced withthe brightness of hindsight.

Last Thursday I went to dinner with my friend Jim. Jim is a wonderful guy who I went to highg school with- we had an excellent time together. Conversation flowed as did the wine. A perfect dinner date if I do say so myself. Do you ever talk to someone and get the impression that you are the only person that they want to be listening too?? That there is no other place that they would want to be? That is how I feel, and I feel Jim feels, when we spend time together.

Friday was perhaps the longest day, though by longest I do not mean in any way that it was not pleasent. The evening promissed to provide a birthday party and time spent with Cody and Sam, that is it. What I got from the evening was such an amazing "balls to the wall" evening- true fun without regards to consequences... hilarious. seriously. I felt like I was 35 again... oh wait. It was really excited to be with Sam, he is always a source of great, meaningful fun, and it was nice to see Cody realx and just have a good time- none of us had an agenda that night- it was needed. So we drank until we were pickled and then made lots of friends and then danced until 5:00 in the mornning and then came home and brushed eachothers hair and gave eachother back rubs... you figure it out. then I pretended to sleep... ahh it has been too long- no ithasn't- I know that the choices that I made this weekend will not be choices that I choose again. seriously... my head is like soup. my love is like whoa.

Saturday was a mess. period. I had a great time at my brothers, where he had a barbeque for a few close friends, it was very chill and safe, if you will, and I will. I was enjoying my time there but knew that I wanted to spend time with Sam as he was only here for the weekend. But I was still feeling a bit like an alien from the previous evening. I went to the Lift to meet everyone and it seems that there was already tension as I arrived. Basically I was not in a social mood and really wanted to sit and watch, but then I felt the obligation to pull the pouting company out of neglect and include everyone because I cannot stand people being childish when the evening isn't about them. it was about Sam, I don't care if you feel that you were ignored or interupted, deal with it, it wasn't intentional. So we move on to another bar and this is where I received my first impression that I may be responsible for the success of anothers evening. I wanted everyone to have a great time, and somehow I felt responsible. So then we go to a bar thatnot everyone can get into, and eventhough I can, I go to the other bar because I don't want the opther peeps to feel left out- so ther person we went to the other bar FOR basically ditches us once we get ther and then the people that were supposed to meet us there, who opted to stay at the first bar (it is more fun) didnt show up. Side note, Cody is a great companion during these times as we danced and danced little recognition of our third companion getting completely drunk and our fourth companion talking to other people (which is fine, but when I don't go to a bar because you can't get in and then I only see you once at the shitty bar that I decided to go to WITH you, don't blow me off- it's just rude) also note that I was not in a good mood this night- and writing about it now I know that these things are not a big deal, perhaps just an oversight of common courtesy. And I wish that my irritation stopped there, but ti didn't. A friend that I consider to be a good one, but who is young, was wasted. And as soon as we got outside she became completely demanding and beligerant. I love her, but was annoyed. Very demanding, very inconsiderate, and talking loudly into my phone about how shitty we were and that we were leaving her- yeah- we were not leaving her- her drunk ass is the reason I only had one beer the entire night- I had that feeling I was the driver, though I did not volunteer. So we waited for Sam and crew to join us after the other bar closed to decide what we were going to do... though it was evidently already decided as the drunk had proclaimed that I was taking her to her house or I was driving her to my house so thta she could pass out and drive home in the morning. great.
Now the fun hadn't even officially begun as I got the pleasure of riding among self pity that will lead into my weekly RANT. soon enough.

more later. out.