I have just returned from exercising... and I feel like a million bucks baby! My active endeavors are not as painful as Sam's, but I am starting with this one week trial and then going to join. I like the place that I am going, it is all women and for some reason, it makes it alot more fun... no inadequecies here fellas... I'm alright. I have some goals for myself and each day I think that I am really going to get there... inside out. Not a new me by any means.. I'm quite content with what is happening in my life, rather, a polishing of some sorts. I want if nothing more to be relentless with my inner and outer needs. Not obsessive...but relentless. And I have discovered that one CAN put themselves first, always, without being selfish. It is truly a fine line, any many get it confused. (I think in the past I have been selfish with my heart... for fear of being hurt???) vunerability is a bitch... but, I can put myself first, in a healthy way, and not be selfish. I have struggled to understand that and for possibly the first time it makes sense to me.

How about them Cubbies???? yeah cubs!

I am interested in someone... and I want to see them more often, and spend time with them, and see what happens. We are both pretty busy people, which is nice... but I guess I am confused because I hope that I didn't miss the opportunity to really say what I meant.

Ahhh fuck it's Tuesday- this is a good RANT:
Title: I think.... I like... emm... SAY WHAT YOU MEAN!

Here's the situation, and though I would like to turn this into third person vagueness... not today. Alright so I am hanging out with a guy that I used to go to school with. And I like him, I think he is a incredible person. I was actually friends with his brother first, but knew him a bit later. I spent time with him a few weeks ago for the first time in years. (we made out a party like three years ago and I didn't speak to him after that) why?? I was immature and thought that it was weird. So we are hanging out, playng pool, GREAT company, great time. He says," I used to really like you, but I never did anything about it." I say (like a complete d-bag) " hmm... no kidding." That's right Claire, drop all intentions of sensitivity and leave it to sarcasm to get you out of this one. What did I mean to say??
*** interuption, he just called, and it was great****
alright, so what I meant to say was,"hmm.. never too late", or" I really liked, and still like you, I think that you are one of the greatest people I have ever met" maybe that would be too much- but the point is WHY why why why do I continually save the words for when it is too late, or when it will be not enough... had I seized the moment, perhaps I wouldn't be typing all this jazz right now and instead I would behanging out with him... but no- tippity typing these words to settle the restless felling of unknown that are occupying my thoughts. So is this a rant, or an explosion of unsecured self doubt.. I don't know- but what I do know is that I have wasted much too much of my precious fucking time not saying what I mean. (though sarcasm will still be there, its genetic or something, some people have really nice eyes, I have sarcasm)

All right.. cheers to all. And especially Kilgs, who was reading me far before the age of blog. smush ya.

out.

(yeah Cubs!)