And then I took a deep breath....

So the past week has been a time of trials, and by trials I mean that there were several points throughout the week where I was struggling, really struggling to find some sort of reason or message... not in a spiritual sort of way... more so that something, somewhere, has to start making sense before I am consumed with circumstances that I not only cannot control, but struggle to make alright forthose around me, and myself... I guess the prime source of distress was that I couldn't make these things better for people, all of them were beyond my control... all of them. and the reality that there is nothing that you can do to make things better for someone that you care about is a shitty, lonely place to be. there were three peopl close to me that lost a family member, death, not misplaced. roomate going through some shit that fogs his glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel, last minute responsibilities to lead a trip, sister had her baby, premature, he is in intensive care. I will listen, I will talk or not talk, I will be here for you and you will, without exception, remain under my wing. there you are, all of you, under my wing.

So my brother and I are going to North Carolina on Sunday to spend a week with my sister. She isn't doing so hot as the little guy is still in the hospital and she is at home, she is helpless. She is miserable, and I can't make everything all better, but I can be there for her and that little tiny John Matthew...bless him.

While in Minneapolis I met with my old director and he wants me to interview for a Director position in the good ol twin cities... moving is a daunting task... but I choose not to settle, and I have been offered great opportunities here, and that is where the obligation to remain here comes from.. I don't know. I have passion for where I am at and who we serve, but I realized that I actually slept an entire night through when I was in Minneapolis... really slept, and I haven't slept that well since I was in Denver... point is, the stress level from my job doesn't allow to ever wind down.... and being worried sleepless about my roomate doesn't exactly help either, I don't think he knows how worried I get, now he will, cause he reads this, but so you know CT, I worry for you more than you will ever know, and sometimes I walk away when you are talking because I need to hear you say something different, I need to hear you say that you know tghings will work out... I need you to make changes and not just talk about making changes, I need you to realize that the world is not against you, that there are a handful of people near to you who would do anything for you. right now if you asked. .. i needed to get that out because it has been inside for much too long now.

Love to all, I will be alright.
c