At this point in my life.. year.. week.. day.

Ahhh.. so I sent an email this evening that declined the opportunity to apply for a new Director position in Minneapolis. so next summer when I am crazy, tired, stressed... remind me that this is what I choose. The thing is that I don't feel as if I have closed a door.. for the past few weeks I have really convinced myself that I have to pursue this, what if it doesn't happen again... the feeling that someone out there, knows that you are capable, and thought of you first to apply for not just a job, but a career. That is a great feeling. And the person that would be my supervisor is my complete mentor in this field. I love working with him.

BUT.... here it is. I have a great job. I have a balls to the wall, don't know if I can handle it half of the time job, career. I am here because this is how it is supposed to be right now. I have to leave this place better than when I arrived... if I leave now, I will leave the program high and dry.. and I have way too much respect for this organization and the people that it serves to do that. I have a thousand people returning this summer because they believe in this place, and I am a part of that. true.

alright enough on that... I know this stuff isn't entertaining, but I needed to get my head clear.

I went out last night (yes, on Monday) and celebrated like it was Friday... needless to say my 9:00 meeting was driven by caffeine and a prayer that I would not burp beer for all to smell... it was a close one. I got plenty of the, "are you feeling okay" looks today and to a few I shared the fact that no sympathy should be allowed, I was drunk, still might be, and I sang karaoke.... yes, I did. and it was a blast.. the only reason I did is because the bitches were singing like they were auditioning for fucking star search and I needed throw a little vanilla ice their way- and it was smooth if I do say so myself. very very smooth.


my eyes are heavy and so I shall retire.

c