Back to the old stomping grounds with a whole new step.

I lived in Iowa City for the better part of five years. i would like to say that a top University and a pursuit of education kept me there, but we all know that would be a silly, or even a straight-forward lie. I stayed in Iowa City because you can exist there with great people and great culture and never really have to do anything amazing. There are skeletons in every closet and demons in every corner so I wouldn't recomend dropping any scholastic intentions to try the little city just for the life of it.
Everytime I return, I am filled with a few things. One, and the most prevelent, would be nostalgia. I think of the Que bar, where Sam worked, where Tony and Travis and Mandy and Mary and Mitchell and Amy and I would spend hours and days and nights enjoying each other and the newness of a forbidden nightlife. Then I pass the daedwood, and it makes me think of summer, beacuse it is the darkest and coldest bar in Iowa City, it is always smokey, and at the time, the best. The Alley Cat reminds me of Djing and great friends... the tobacco bowl, the den, big mikes, it all takes me to a different day. I love that place. There are still several people that I care about that live there, which is the entire reason I visit. Allison lives on the out-skirts, Cody in the hub, Ryan, Kyla, Sam's brother Spencer, and numerous faces that I will not name but I would hug if I saw them. Dan Pomales is at the top of that list.

Last Thursday night Sara, Charlie, Matthew and I left Des Moines to travel to Iowa City to see Martyrs of Maudlin (check them out on myspace.com) play at Gabes. I was SO excited for them because this is their first great Iowa City break-out and I know that people will dig them. (For those of you that would like to see them, they are playing again at gabe's on February 9th, at the Vaudeville Mews in Des Moines on Feb.10, and at House of Bricks in Des Moines on February 11th) i will garuntee that you will love them when you se them. I am not just saying that because I know them personally and the drummer is like a brother.

We rolled into Iowa City at nearly six and went straight to Mickey's. It is my favorite chill restaraunt in Iowa City and I knew that I could possibly run into Spencer, Sam's brother. I really wanted him to come to the show because I know that he is in with alot of creative types, and I think this band is right up their alley. I did run into Spencer at Mickeys and it was great to see him. He looked handsome as ever (not as handsome as you Sam) and came in and chatted for a few short minutes. I thought he would come to Gabe's, but he did make it clear that he hadn't planned on making any social appearences that evening so I wasn't holding my breath. Our server at Mickeys was probably the best ever, polite, funny, and sang along to all of the right songs. After a meal with Kyla and Ryan in tow, we headed to the Que for some Silver Strike bowling and Ryan went to set up his drums. We played for an hour and had a great time. I was drinking this night, and it was nice to have some drinks, be in great company and have no worries. It was fantastic, actually.
Kyla and I had a moment, where I felt free to tell her how great she really is and how excited I am that we will be working together again this summer. I really enjoy our friendship.
On to Gabe's, the dirtiest bar in all of Iowa City. We went upstairs to see the guys and then back downstairs because THE GIRLS WERE THERE!!! That's right ANNA and Kristi were at Gabes and whenever I see Anna I have to shake it and giggle because she is my girl. I have said it before, I think we were seperated at birth (and by 6 years). It was great also to see her friends, I don't remember their names, but they are super cool chicks. We talked for a bit and then skipped upstairs to enjoy the show. Cody came to the show and it was wonderfully delightful to see him. He was chill and in a great mood and it is the best when we are together. I liked that we could hang out on a week night. I miss that. The music was incredible, the drinks were flowing and the crowd was dancing. It was a great evening.
WE left at around midnight because I had to give a presentatin for the agency I work at at 9:00am. Sara and Charlie were absolutely donkerfaced and Kyla, well, she hit it up Shelby style. Outside the bar, we waited to take Kyla's car home for her and meanwhile, Sara and I posed for Senior pictures. cody was snapping away and when he sends them,, I will post. Kyla walked out of the bar and ran up behing me, bent me over and said, take a pitcure of this! Sara put her business in my face and suddenly we had a crowd. guys in passing were offering their services and we decide to simmer down so that we would get a little known pastime called "public intox". Sara walked barefoot to the car and threw her sox at the brick building in passing and made them stick. She and Charlie are adorable, but were very drunk. We went to Kyla's to pick up Ryan to take him back to the bar and while we were waiting, Sara and Charlie were talking about how they wanted McDonalds... they talked at length about the menu and settled upon McNuggets, so much so that they rolled down the windows and yelled ,"NUGGETS" for what I would say was the better part of te minutes. Ryan joined us in the car and was lovingly deemed as "Nugget" by Sara. Ryan confessed that the only ever nickname he had been given was by a childhood friend and his friend named him "HoneyDew". Why HoneyDew? we asked. He siad he wasn't sure, but his friend said that Ryan mad ehim think of HoneyDew. I thought it was endearing that a child would name his best friends HoneyDew, and then he said that it was Jim who had given him the name and I thought it was hilarious.
We got onto the interstate and agreed not to stop for twenty miles so as to get out of Iowa City with the two drunks in the back seat. Se stopped at a gas station and Sara and I (both barefoot) got a few snacks. While sara was getting her hotdog, I bet her a dollar to eat a handful of onions out of the condiment container. She said, like this? and shoved a heaping ahndful of onions into her mouth ate ate them. For a dollar. Her dirty sock throwing, ciggarette smoking, just went to the bathroom hand dug into the community onion container. Glorious.
We made it back to Des Moines, after listening to the snore of Sara and the sleep talking of Charlie, Matthew got us all home safely. I fell asleep for the last thirty minutes of the drive and woke to the greatest song I have heard in a long while. It reminded me of a friend, and so I woke up thinking about him. the song is 'Southern State' by Bright Eyes. It has been on repeat for me.

Friday morning went well as far as the presentation... thank god for MAC concealer.

Thanks for sharing the story... I will work on the valentine contest tomorrow.

Much love to all. and for those who may be curious, I am down 53 pounds. YEAH!
c

You could Be Mine!

Keep your eyes on the blog. In the days approaching, we will start the first annual Be My valentine Search where readers (you) can compete to be my valentine.

No purchase neccesary.

see you soon!

c

When the sun sets over the sunny side.

Many, if not all of you know where I work and what I do. It is impossible to deny the level of relationships you build with people (campers, consumers, clients). It is something that happens without effort, in an environment where acceptance rules, it is a simple beauty that evolves out of repect and dignity. When I see campers outside of camp many of them explain to me that they want to live with me at camp. They ask what I do when it snows, can I still swim. They ask me about all of the counselors and who will be coming back. There are several faces that I cannot imagine camp without. a dear friend of mine passed away this weekend. She was in my cabin when I was 18 years old. She wasn't that old. This is a small tribute to her.

This woman was a hand full. She would yell accross the camp,"Hey Claire, come here, I gotta tell you something!!" Her raspy, deep voice would peirce through any crowd and always get your attention. if you said that you would be over in a minute, she would say,"that's what everyone always says!" She and I could laugh together. It was something that she didn't do with everyone, just a few of us. We also disaggreed, we would argue, and then I would say, "let's agree to disagree" and she would say, "maybe you agree, but I don't!" I cared alot for her. I would drive to her house to bring her to Respite because her mom, who is pushing 60, still worked 12 hour shifts as a nurse to pay for the house. Her brother tried his best, but was put out to take care of her, you could sense the resentment.

About a year and a half ago, I noticed a change in her. Her health worsened, instead of her walker, she was in a wheelchair. Instead of random oxygen, she was on it all the time. It was painful to watch, but I stil gave her loads of shit... I just didn't want her to give up. Iwould talk to her about living on her own... being more independent. She asked if she could live at camp all the time. Even though she understands that she can't.

I was walking out of the office to a meeting when a co-worker yelled and told me to come over. I was in a great mood, feeling productive and looking forward to providing the VP with a solid report. "________ died this weekend. Can you believe that?" she said. "Are you kidding?, How?"

You know when you have those slap in the face moments, where everything about a person is peeled away and you see their absolute true colors... that happened today. My co-worker, who is revered as a good employee, says, "She always complained, but I always assumed she was exaggerating." A lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, I walked away. I was disappointed for her. For everyone who assumed she was not ill, for her family who did their best, but couldn't see that she may have done better in assisted living. For all of the times, that all of us said we would be over in a mminute to talk to her, ut never went back.

Rest in peace friend. You were loved, and respected, as a person, a friend. I hope that you can breathe freely now and that you can run and feel no pain. I hope that wherever you are, people listen, because you have some great stories to tell.

My best to you and your family.

claire

Brighter than sunshine.

My best is with Sam tonight, who barely survived last night. My hopes are that he can take it somewhat easy without the Chilli he ate for lunch haunting the birthday Celebration. And a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jason... even though you are 30. I hope the boys have a great night. I look forward to April when we are acquainted and the city regrets that I have arrived.


So I took my mom to a drag show tonight. My friend Tony called and they were having a benefit for the local woman's football league. (total lesbian population.. that is not a judgement, that is the pure, lesbian truth) Tony, Cy, and Lyle are performing as a special treat for the benefit and they would like for me to come and support. I look at the clock and it is 30 minutes before I am supposed to be there, so I decide to ask my mother along, she has never been to a show, and hasn't been out in a while. We get there and have a table front and center. The guys were fantastic, and the other "acts" were what appeared to be "inside jokes"... some of it I really didn't get... but then Tony did his solo number.. Madonna's 'Sorry' from her new album and I freaked... both hands in the air, screaming like a little queen... AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE. I look over my shoulder to the smug ladies and say, "lighten up, its a drag queen doing Madonna... wooooooooo!" The crowd was more impressed with male impersonators... drag "kings"... to which I reply- no thank you. Love drag queens. My mom was so impressed with Tony and his dancing... she was smiling the entire time and looked at me with wide eyes and said,"he's FANTASTIC!" That's right mom, he is fantastic. On the way home, my mom shared stories of her younger days in the gay bar, hanging out with her boys. She said,"maybe you got that from me, being friends with gay guys...." it was the first I had heard of her homo-friendships and I replied, "I don't know about that, but I did learn acceptance from you, and that has made me alot of friends" It was totally afterschool special as we drove along the freeway until I said, "Do you remember when you said that it might be better that we (me, my brother and sister) were bi-sexual, so we could get more dates?" "Yes, I still believe that is true." she replied. "I was twelve. That's hilarious."




I had a great time. It was nice to see my mom enjoying herself and getting to know two people who are very important in my life... overall great day.


Sam Griffin wins the award for the best drunk dial. ever. I will save the details... and a bit of his dignity.


Have a great night.claire

Resolving the New Year

I have always had, much like everyone else, a quiet disdain for New Years resolutions. Each year I have stated the default resolutions that I could regurgitate in my sleep. Loose weight, go to the gym, stop smoking, don't sleep with men without getting a name first, you know, all of the basics. The last six weeks have really messed all of that up for me. I actually RESOLVED something in the last six weeks. I stopped smoking- completely. (not even a social smoker anymore, its true). I have lost 40 pounds in the last five weeks. I am slowly working my way into the gym, I drink 70 pllus ounces of water a day, absolutely no caffeine, no sugar, no fat, no carbonation in my diet. Where does this leave me? I guess I could work on the name thing, but sorry to say that even that no longer applies... meaning, I am sure to ask names, even CONVERSE before jumping into anything. I thought about starting to swear, like really going for it- talking like a sailor all the time, telling people off... but that wears thin. It is so much better when it is reserved for special occasions... far too much class for that. (see above for standards of classiness)

With the above stated, I got real with my resolutions. It was a REAL thing for me to look at myself and realize what I needed to change. I decided that I would do the following:

* Assume good intentions.
When I shared this resolution with my friend who declared he was quitting regular coca cola, he said, "that's not a real resolution." I think it is better than typical resolves for this reason. When I assume good intentions, it allows me to believe that people are good and that we are working together. When the doubt of another persons intentions creeps into my thoughts, it slowly eats away at trust, and confidence, and all of those other self-destructive voices that ultimately leave you bitter and lonely. This is both a personal and professional goal. I really want to get all of the negative energy ditrust out of my world, This last year has been a huge one for me and I have learned alot of valuable lessons. There were times both personally and professionally where I was thrown into a ridiculously hideous spiral of mistrust all because I thought another person in my life had malicious intentions. Granted, this does not apply to those that I am really close too, I know better... I generally do not dive into not trusting friends. tHese are acquaintances, people I work with... and that can be the worse.

*Drop the judgements.
All joking aside, I have come to the realization that whatever moral viewpoints I have simply formed themselves into some pretty ridiculous judgements. It is intertwined all through my blog and I cannot say that I am proud- I can certainly defend it, and most of it is based on experiences, but that does not mean that my generalizations are in any way fair. So I am working on it.. I will still participate for comic purposes only... but I will put the rants aside for a more grounded approach.

That's it.


With this, I will step into a more adult version of myself and hopefully open my eyes to anyhting I have been missing...

Cheers to all of you and good luck with the caffeine free, nicotine free, gym bunny, low fat, no carb new year.

best,
c

New Year's Eve: bucket included

New Years Eve. There is always some hesitancy with New Years Eve... it is just another day, no need to go big, but then there is that underlining voice that tells you that you have to be a part of it. SO I decided to throw a very small get together of good friends to start the night off and then people were free to go their own ways to bigger things.

People who were there:

Tanner: for about five minutes
Matthew: my brother, who sponsored the smoking section in the garage.
Brother Eric: Matthew's friend who calls everyone brother and has serious adult ADD
Ryan: a great friend
Kyla: another great friend,dates Ryan, also referred to as Shelby, Chilli Dog, Chills
Jim: the "sure thing" you always kow that Jim will make use of the cause for celebration and lead the drinking... even if he is on his own. Great person to go out with.
Sarah: no drinking for Sarah, which was difficult to imagine, but she has a solid reason
Charlie: dates Sarah, great for any type of conversation, chill, supercool guy
Ray: I work with Ray, he was sober and super chill, it was nice to have him there
Me: Sober, weird. I am not ready to drink so I decided to be the designated driver, which was a great decision.


We spent the afternoon preparing for our guests. Mainly rearranging all of the shit that had surfaced for the Christmas Holiday and cleaning various areas. i transformed my room back to its typical state and removed the "post surgery" vibe. It looks great. Matthew washed the driveway... (I don't get this) and then put fans out so it would dry. I know why it needed to be dry (so it wouldn't freeze) but washing the driveway seems like a little bit of a weird thing to do. I could understand if the house was pristine with detailed landscaping... but have you seen my front yard? there is no grass and I live on camp where it is very "rustic". So I let him do his thing and I did my thing and we went on with the day. I was really excited to hang out with people as I have only done so once in the past month. this, for me, is not exceptable. I love being near my friends, in any context, and being out and social is what I am comfortable with. It was very different being the sober one... but I have found that it really isn't that difficult, and I get to make sure that everyone gets home safe. I can have a great time with everyone withoutdrinking, which honestly surprises me. Not to say that when the time comes I won't have a drink, I for sure will, but for the next few months, I am alright. My head is clear and I am feeling fine.

So the rundown of the evening: Topic of weirdness: Brother Eric. In addition to being the most restless figidity person I have ever encountered, brother Eric loves to make new friends. Matthew and I had a deal when the evening started... that he would be responsible for Brother Eric and keep him in check. Brother Eric is super nice, but he has no social skills and never goes out so he really does not know how to act. Which is amusing for about 15 minutes. So the more he drinks, the more relaxed you would think he becomes... OH NO... the less inhibited he becomes, which means, more questions, more talking. He just never stopped talking... and he is going through a divorce right now- he wife is leaving him after 9 and a half years together so he is also very fragile. Translation: trainwreck traveling at 250 miles per hour. Brother Eric is , possibly, one of the nicest people you will ever meet, and he doesn't lie, but he is is a bit of a spaz... he is a scrawny, carhart wearin cowboy that is looking for a cowgirl. Everyone throughout the course of the evening had their share of the conversation, it was almost as if we were taking turns. The award goes to Jim, who talked with B. E. for well over an hour about personal style, and grasping that it is never too late to move to a city. Brother Eric also lost MAJOR points when he told everyone that he and I are too old to make a move like that, but good for Jim, he is still young enough. (note: Jim is 25, I am 27, brother Eric is 32) My brother is 31 and Eric confessed that he thought I was older. Pretty much all of my brother's friends think that I am older. I hope this is not because the way I look, rather the job I have, the stability, all that shit that one begins to posses with the garduation of years. An my brother lives in my basement, and I gave him my old car.. so I think his friends perceive me as taking care of him a bit- its just what I do. My brother would also never correct that I am actually younger, because he knows how much it bothers me to think that people think I am over 30. (no offense to the over thirties, but you remember... )

So we go to Mary's for about 20 minutes, long enough to decide that we will go downtown to meet up with some of Jims friends, who I also know from high school. Matthew, Brother Eric, and Ray join us and we are on our way. I park WAY too far away assuming that there won't be a parking spot for blocks because it is New Years and I am SERIOUSLY wrong.. we are in Des Moines, and I forget this. There are parking spots everywhere downtown, beacuse it is Des Moines. We make our way into Court Avenue Brewing and meet up with the boys and company. Everyone is so drunk that it seems a bit irrelevent that we are there... so I sit ina booth with Ray and we have a fantastic time observing the crowd and listening to the DJ who was transforming through some serious beats, into house music and then at the end of the night on to a little trance to chill it out... VERY well played. There was a girl there with Mason that was SO out of it, she kept leaving the group and going outside, without their knowledge, so Matthew and I repeatedly went outside to stand near her so that no one would mess withher. she could barely walk, talk and she had NO idea where she was. I don't know the girl, but I was irritated... probably because I wasn't drinking. I stood next to her until her friends were ready to deal with her... then she came inside, went back out, Matthew tracked her down, and then she went with her friends... I tried to offer to drive her home, but she said that she wanted to stay out with her friends... this is when I wanted to slap her... her friends were annoyed, she was a wreck, and if I didn't think she night of been hit by a vehicle of seriously messed with, I would have left her there. Back inside, glasses are breaking and drinks are being spilled... things are winding down and the bar staff are celebrating that they have made it through the night. Ray and I are talking, enjoying the scenery when a super-cute guy walks by and Ray says, you should ask him out... to which I reply, no thank you, I am not shopping tonight. Here comes the big event. Brother Eric pipes in with, "what about me?" to which I reply,"what about you?"
BE (brother eric): Will you go out with me?
Me: No, I don't date my brother's friends.
BE: why not? just one date. Ray is going to make me over, I'll look good.
Me: I am sure you will, but I am not interested... I can't date my brother's friends, its a rule we have.
BE: Can we hang out sometime?
Me: (I feel really bad for him) yeah, we could hang out.
BE: Next Saturday, I'll take you on a date, we'll go to outback.
Me: (a little offended at the idea that he assumes a steak is the way to me heart)
No, i can't really eat that stuff anymore...
BE: you neame the place, I'll take you anywhere... you are the Bomb-diggity Claire!
Me: (laughing)... wow, thanks. Let's talk about it later.

I change the subject after a few more exchanges and distract him enough to get him to leave the table... then I text mey brother and tell him to check his friend. He knows how Eric is, and i know that Eric is going through a really shit time right now but I am not that girl that does charity dating... sorry boys. Not even me.

Matthew goes to ge the car, comes back with a slew of jokes, and then we go back to the house where he tells Eric that it isn''t cool because of our rule. (thank you Matthew, you came through tonight)

In the next hour and a half brother eric pukes, I drive him home, with Matthew riding along, only to come home to find that he had let Steve (my dog) out and he has been gone for 45 minutes....(he came home later)... Jim and Matthew keep drinking and Jim falls face first into the stairs. Matthew carries him in, gets him a bucket and settles him on the couch with a blanket, pillow, and plenty of towwels so ass not to ruin my couch. Iam in bed at this point, but Matthew still comes in to show me all of the pictures of Jim, and his bucket. Happy New Year!

I hope that all of you had a wonderful and safe New Years.. I will post my year in review this week. Back to work in one week for me. AHHHH!

I am going to walk a few miles today to start getting geared up for my return.

Much love to all of you!
c