Wishes for the weekend.

So I really want to be in New York City this weekend because I miss Sam (and Tim)and need some excitement (another round of partner puke anyone?) and people in Iowa are selfish bastards. Not all people, just pretty much everyone that I have interacted with today.

So I went to Iowa City last weekend after I returned from the conference in Illinois to hang out with Allison- we had a grand time and it was well worth the drive (total car time on Saturday was about 10 hours) here is the funny story... so we have drinks and talk and I remember that Spencer, Sams supa ____ (insert complimentary adjective here) brother lives in Iowa City so wouldn't it be fun if we hang out? (yes, yes, yes it would be!) I realize this at 1:00 am and call Sam (on his birthday) to ask him for his brothers number... real smooth LeCroy. So...I leave an unknowing message and not 20 minutes later I receive a message on my phone that says, "yeah claire, sure you can have my brothers phone number ON MY BIRTHDAY. here you go.......)" Does anyone have a shovel, and quick? because sis has got a hole to get out of and now. So I call back and Sam answers and it goes a little something like this: " Hi Sam, I'm sorry, maybe you misunderstood what I was really saying, and that was Happy Birthday baby!" all is well now and we learn and now I want to see Sam... and now I feel like a dick because Sam talked to Spencer and asked him if we hung out and he said that I never called.... uh- just can't win some days.... but I would love to hang out with Spencer, it just occured to me that I do not know him that well and would it be alright for me to randomly call him at 1:00 in the morning to see if he wanted to meet up at a bar. who knows.


have a great weekend to all- I've got a flight to book.


loving you loving me.

c

Oops, I said the F-word. wink.

So I am in this meeting today to discuss payables for the last fiscal year and I come to the startling realization that we may notget paid for about 10,000 USD. bullshit. So I say. "Fuck." in the meeting with the CFO, accounting specialist, and my co-worker, Kelli. Kelli looks at me like- "Claire!" and for a minute, I panick. I realize that in the comfort on my own workspace, that this is appropriate, but that in the company of others- namely the CFO- perhaps I should have searched my vocabulary for longer than.... say .05 seconds. So I look up and apologize for te outburst, claiming that the long weekend through my vocabulary a bit of balance, and also, I am a little on edge today as I have work to my ears and fleeting time. The CFO says, "Don't wory about it, my sentiments exactly, at least it was an honest response" and I breathe. Let me further explain that with this job comes great responsibility... and being BY FAR the youngest person in my feild and my profession, well, there are certain things that, spoken or not, you have to prove. So, being the personality that I am , I at times struggle with my shocking honesty laden in sarcasm vs. accomodating "I'm the new guy" approach. there id a balance, and I will find it, but today was amusing to me, and my co-workers as news travels fast.

I was away last week at a Conference for National. It was an amazing time and I realize that I work for a great organiztion and I do love my job- I do know what is going on- in fact, I could easily say tat I may be a leader in comparrison. and that feels damn good.

that boy that I referred to aboutliking hasn't called and I would like to brush it off as his loss but the truth may be that it is, in fact, my loss. disappointing, yes.

Other than that, life is grand. I am getting organiazed all the way around and that is great.

cheers to all of you.


So I just had a 25 minute phone conversation with a parent- it was not pretty. but I stood my ground, and I think I got my pint accros.... blah blah... I have a HUGE headache and it is driving me mad.

c

This is what happens when I am left to my own devices.....

So much to share... hopefully I will have time to get all of this out.

My brother is going through alot of shit right now and I am not going to spill his business but I love him and he needs some strength, so if you know him- call him and let him know. Alright- so with his new need for ongoing support comes some sort of assumption from me that he will want my company not only at the drop of a hat... but also on a daily basis.... he does need my support on a daily basis- which I give, but last Wednesday I really wanted him to have dinner with me so that I would feel alright about how he was doing (I realize now) but he needed alone time.... so what do I do when left to my own devices? Hmmm- a new coat of paint of course-- and only if it stopped there.

Home Depot- the Mecca for do it yourself home ideas.... I think it may be an evil thing- unqualified painters and repair guru's that wander aimlessly through the isles until they convince themselves that they can, infact, repaint their entire house in neon blue and it will be alright. (not to worry... I changed my mind.) So I look at paint colors for way too long and then realize that it is not paint that I need, but new furniture of course! So I go to a furniture store only to find the sweetest set up in the world... and I won't go into details because I know that most of you are not as excited about a couch as I am.... and it sounds a bit pathetic. Now tat Ihave new furniture... I know what color to paint... so back to Home Depot where I get all of the supplies and paint to do the living room.... and I return home at 9:00pm to start the masterpeice.... it looks great.

Alright- damn- I have to go right now so I will update on the magnificent boy that I met on Saturday here in a few hours- it was great- I really like him- teehee..

have a supa great day.

cl

And the wind stopped in Chicago....

You know those great times that you have- and I hope that every person is able to have- where you are with a group of people and there is no reason to believe that there is anyone else on the planet- or in the city- or at the bar??? The company that one keeps that fullfills every social, emotional, sensory need that there is.. that is great company- it doesn't mean that one does not take time to acknowledge that others are present- you just don't need them there to validate your experience. This is how it was in Chicago on December 26th-27th 2003.

I left Iowa about 3:45pm though my ETD was estimated at 2:00. (that's the way it goes with me sometimes)... So I leave by myself for a spontaneous trip to Chicago to see Mike- who is back with the fam for the Holidays from San Francisco... I haven't seen Mike in nearly three years and that is just WAY too long. And travis and Wade and Ra' and Jamie and Amy are in the city so alright.....

So I plan to stay with Travis, because there is room and Mike is staying with friends and third party is more invasive, to me, than actually knowing the owner of the bed you are sleeping in... or in the case of Erin's bed- it used to be mine- after it belonged to Amanda... so I am very familiar.

So I get to their apartment without any wrong turns... which for me is great because when I was with my brother- we got lost to the point of copmplete frustration and I always knew that I am better with directions when left to my own devices. alright... so I get there around 9:30... (I stopped in Newton to see Tim) and find a parking spot just around the corner (miracle) and then its time- its time to let the games begin. We have a few beers and then head to a bar called Cocktail where Mike is- and we walk in and there he is!!! (YEAH)

People drifted in and out throughout the evening but So many great times were had-

and I will get to the details of all of this in my next entry- but right now I have to go to a billing meeting ... I lost track of time here- imagine that....


I'll finish this later... ooh the suspense

c

waiting for the blood to flow to my fingers.....

That is not as cryptic as it sounds... pair it with yesterdays entry and you have lyrics to one of my top songs. Today is a great day though incredibly busy. So I will not have time to be as detailed as I was yesterday but I will let all of you know that things are grand as of now... I have loads of stories to share from the past few weeks.... and last week I had the flu and I thought I would die... but now I am close to healthy and realizing how important and great that is. I quit smoking. 9 days and counting. I am just done with it. yeah for me. alright- I have to go and pick up Pam because dammit somebody fucked things up and now she can't move into her group home today. seriously- get some shit together because this is a persons life here... ahhh.

Take care all and lovins from the oven.

c

I be alright when my hands get warm.

Hello out there. I am not dead.. though it was the closest I have ever encountered. Here are the updates on the events and regrets of the past few days(who am I kidding...) weeks. (I hav e decided that I can have regrets when it is directly related to a situation that I have no control over- like being sick- so it is not regret really... rather, just shittay circumstances.

Tuesday, December 23... game night at the griffins... ahh what a powerful, unbeatable, gaming machine were we! ha! Lela and Steve didn't stand a chance against the humming and mime capabilities of Sam and I.... though they were quite clever with words and puzzles... but we smoked them. It's okay to say that because they are great sports- and they can certainly dish it- so I know they can take it.
So Sam and I are off to get some drinks... which we started on much earlier that evening- let's not forget that I have had Thai stink garbage for lunch... it will play a role in te story later. So we go to this bar and Spencer was not there because he has important things to do in Iowa City. (Spencer is Sams super cute artistic, sensitive type brother who, if opportunity arises, yes I would make out with) but I really don't know him that well... anyhoo- we go to the Royal Mile and it stinks in there because it was crowded and the bartenders were (surprise) being assholes. (I have had several non-productive encounters with the service there... usually acting as the mediator before a friend jumps over the bar to finish a sentence) So we leave and go to Court Avenue brewing- which is nice and the bartender s flirting because we both drink gin and he wants to teach me about it- so I listen and he buys my next drink and it was nice for a minute... to have someone buy you a drink- a stranger. (my friends and I buy each other drinks- its really nice- but not the same) So Sams friend Seth is with us and he makes a side comment that I am caddy. no no no silly- I am not caddy- I am sarcastic and sometimes just a bitch- especially when it comes to subjects like the validity of downtown dance bars like "celebration" and "papa's planet" I know people like these places- and I am not attacking anyone individually- just expressing personal opinions.

Long story short (I just remembered my car has been warming up for 40 minutes) we went to tear it up Tuesday and I sat in the car for 2 hours because I was very ill from gin and Thai. The time I spent in the car, listening to music and sitting in the still of downtown two days before Christmas was beautiful. That and the fact that Sam actually came out TWICE to see how I was doing- and offered to take me home- it was a nice change of courtesy... but it was very peaceful outside the saddle on the starry night and I wouldn't change for a thing....

more later-

lovins and such

Claire