It's been a while....

Too much time has passed since the last entry.. not to worry, no major life changing events or tragedies have occured. Life is well and I am content.

Last week, I was working away and a co-worker came to me with the information that one of his clients mother had passed away. This girl is 25 nad has always lived with her mother. Now she will have to be placed in a group home... only there is an enormous waiting list for these services in Polk county.... so what do I do? well she can stay with me of course! I have the space because all of the roomies are gone and it is no skin off of my back. She only ended up staying one night because of technical financial bullshit... (basically, they can't pay me to care for her (I don't want to be paid) but then there is a liability thing with having her with a paid employee who is not being paid) duh duh dun.... it never ceases to amaze me that the best interest of a person can so easily be overlooked because of petty financial stuff. I have a room and a bed for her and if I can provide her with any sort of consistancy in this time in her life, then dammit, I will. She is SO wonderful. It was a bit sad the first night because she uses sign language to communicate and she kept signing that her mother was not going to wake up... then she would ask if she would wake up tomorrow... she would say, "don't cry, its okay" and I was sitting there- in tears, signing its okay to cry, if you feel sad, cry. I am not writing this to put myself on a soap box or a pedestal or anything like that- I am writing this to encourage all that read this to do the right thing, forget the rules and all that bullshit- if a person needs you- and you know when then do- just be there. It is not a big deal, and the benefits of helping another human far outweigh any sort of gratification that one could find in nearly anything else. Before she went to bed she signed, "Claire. I love you." payment enough.

So she will be spending Thanksgiving with my family and I... it will be great. I love her. I want to keep her safe forever.. (I know that is not realistic, but I will do my best.)

So all of my roomates have left, and they all moved out on the same day, about a week ago. I was long anticipating this day, and I will have to say that it is really nice to have the place to myself, HOWEVER.... I do miss the conversations and general comfort of knowing that there may be someone there to ask how your day was. I ahve found that I am much more productive and my stress level has gone down tremendously... I sleep better at night. But I miss Cody.... yep.

I think I am hitting my stride at work- my days have been far more productive lately.. my confidence in this new position is getting there and I am getting used to the fact that I may never be caught up and I amy never have all the answers... but there is a great dynamic here and I love that.

enough for now- loves to all, have a great T-day!

At this point in my life.. year.. week.. day.

Ahhh.. so I sent an email this evening that declined the opportunity to apply for a new Director position in Minneapolis. so next summer when I am crazy, tired, stressed... remind me that this is what I choose. The thing is that I don't feel as if I have closed a door.. for the past few weeks I have really convinced myself that I have to pursue this, what if it doesn't happen again... the feeling that someone out there, knows that you are capable, and thought of you first to apply for not just a job, but a career. That is a great feeling. And the person that would be my supervisor is my complete mentor in this field. I love working with him.

BUT.... here it is. I have a great job. I have a balls to the wall, don't know if I can handle it half of the time job, career. I am here because this is how it is supposed to be right now. I have to leave this place better than when I arrived... if I leave now, I will leave the program high and dry.. and I have way too much respect for this organization and the people that it serves to do that. I have a thousand people returning this summer because they believe in this place, and I am a part of that. true.

alright enough on that... I know this stuff isn't entertaining, but I needed to get my head clear.

I went out last night (yes, on Monday) and celebrated like it was Friday... needless to say my 9:00 meeting was driven by caffeine and a prayer that I would not burp beer for all to smell... it was a close one. I got plenty of the, "are you feeling okay" looks today and to a few I shared the fact that no sympathy should be allowed, I was drunk, still might be, and I sang karaoke.... yes, I did. and it was a blast.. the only reason I did is because the bitches were singing like they were auditioning for fucking star search and I needed throw a little vanilla ice their way- and it was smooth if I do say so myself. very very smooth.


my eyes are heavy and so I shall retire.

c

forty degrees, vacation is over, roomate is down and out, I'm still smiling...

Why?? because I cannot, cannot make everything alright. not that anyone expects me too, but I think that in the past I have really tried... whoops, sorry, can't do it. I have a lack of sensitivity right now and it is refreshing. Things are looking great for me, I am very happy and damnit, let me have it.

My trip was great, my brother and I didn't fight unitl the last day... and it is quite funny, I would spend time bitching about ti but it isn't necessary.

Chicago was short but I got to see Erin and Travis and Wade, Jamie, and Ra'.. that was much needed. Now if I can only get Allison here, things will be great. And Chris, and Mike...

Friday night was so much fun. I had an excellent time with Jim and Eric.. we played some pool ( I am the champion of the universe) had a few drinks, and well... the night led into the morning and great times were had...


I have to go back to work.
c

Feeling not so lucky in Kentucky

So we left Iowa at 3:00 in the afternoon on Sunday... Matthew drove the first chunk, putting us through Indiana at 11:30pm. So I took the wheel. I drove all night, (no celine pun intended) determined that I was going to see the sun rise, in a productive, non- nasty bar sort of way. (i.e. walking out of the bannana thong cage at 5:30 am to find that the day, oddly enough, had started without you) So I am driving through Kentucky (mountains and construction and fog so thick that it would hide, say.... mountains) seriously, out of nowhere I am driving down a curve so sharp and steep that I questions whether I should wet now, or wait until the car flies off of this mountain, but not to worry, my brother slept soundly in the passenger seat. bastard. like a baby. I didn't care though, as long as I could make through to the sun rising. And there it was, at last my surroundings were revealed, and it was the most increddible sight I would ever imagine... don't wake up now brother, I need this for myself. Moment of discovery, self realization, call it what you will.. it was amazing. So we pull in for breakfast at the omellete shoppe in West Virginia... note: they only served two variations of omelette, rather, 15 varieties of waffles.... I don't know but gathering for the total number of teeth in the establishment... I would say that maybe someone got mixed up... I don't even know.. great accents though... plenty of material.
Well rested and ready for the day my brother decides to drive... it is 7:00 in the morning, meanwhile I am hallucenating, everything is floating and I hear tribal Indian type music, no one else hears this, i ask. Ahh, my turn to sleep. oh wait, have you ever tried to sleep in the car as the sun has risen... in the mountains??? yeah, its brighter. and what you have been driving for all night you can finally see, AND you are only 3 hours fromyour sisters and dammit, you are excited. so I didn't sleep, that and my brother needed company because he was still feeling groggy, FROM SLEEP. bastard. So we arrive in Raleigh at 11:00 am their time and greet beautiful children and beautiful sister, and Jimmy (hot italian), mowing the lawn. Awesome, we are here, it is great, and I can still hear the Indian music.

today is tuesday, it has been a while since we had a rant so I will preface a later story with the thought that I truly believe that my brother was put here to sabatoge any sort of sleep that I may possibly get. bastard.

That guy I never knew but wished I had... but maybe it was because he was drunk.

Friday night was filled with great times. My dearest Jim could not join us and although I was thoroughly disappointed, the night went on. Kelli and I met up with Korey and a few other guys that I went to high school with. This one guy, Andy Moomaw (sp?) was perhaps the most hysterical guy that I have encountered in quite some time... he reminds me of a guy in iowa City by the name of D. Jennings, only this guy doesn't know when to quit. The entire night I was bombarding him with questions, hoping that he would eventually break through and be this staggering genius, nope. He remained quite funny but serious he ws not. A few things he said indicates to me that there is more to him that an amusing jester, but he wasn't ready to let any of that go... and I think he was drunk the entire time... from the time he got there until we left, he didn't drink alot at the bar, but evidently he had been drinking for quite some time beforehand. Nonetheless, this guy was very funny and he didn't give a shit about any sort of social norm. It was completely refreshing, though it might get old, it was a nice break. Still wishing that Jim could have joined us. Next weekend. And the Carrol brothers were there and I have never been so confused in my life. seriously. I thought that Eric was Ryan and Ryan was Eric... I can't believe that I got them confused, but Eric looks older, and I haven't seen them for 6 years or so, but seriously, I felt ridicuously confused. seriously, I am still confused.
So Kelli and I had a great night, a much needed night out and all went well. I am leaving for North Carolina in a few hours and need to get some work done. fo real. Talk to all of you sooner than later. I am missing my peeps.
c